posted Feb. 21, 2012
Every Transgender Day Of Rememberance (TDOR), I come face to face with my conundrum; I see an obviously in love couple at the ceremonies, and one half of that couple is a policeman ("popo"), while the other is an individual I understand, who identifies as transgender. (And this year, the policeman actually spoke to the assemblage [and did a great job, by the way], expressing his understanding of the problems endured by the transgender community, and his problems with his colleagues in particular.)
My inner struggle with this 'thing', is that among the types of men who I would totally date, policemen are included...but there are sooo many complications!
Living as a lower income black transgender woman (like many other lower income blacks I'm sure), I've had more than my share of negative experiences with law enforcement in general. Additionally, before "freeing myself" and politicizing my mind and actions, I experienced 'life on the street', so these experiences were seemingly increased twofold. (Although during this period, I also had the occasion to have had one-night stands with a cop or two that were pleasurable I must say. *blush*)
But at those times I run into or see policemen who are handsome, their uniforms fit them well and they're out on the job, the thought of dating one of them occurs to me (and if you're honest with yourself, my trans sistahs I know it occurs to you too). I can't help but think of that TDOR couple with wonderment that they seemed to have overcome what I am sure are the complications of such a union.
While I know (at least here in Atlanta) there is a contingient of the Atlanta Police Dept. who are openly gay or lesbian, I also know that the preconceived notions/stereotypes attached to the transgender community more intensely plagues one of their number who may openly date a transgender (as related to us in a story by the aforementioned officer, who spoke about how his colleagues belittled him when he walked with his significant other during Atlanta Pride).
I realize, when I think about dating a policeman, that there's an 'attitude', 'dominance' or 'macho bravado', if you will, automatically attached to the job. Too often for a policeman to be openly gay, I'm sure this "image" is tarnished in the eyes of his co-workers, let alone for him to ally himself romantically to a transgender woman. This type of alliance, I'm also sure, is jeopardized by a general negative image of the popo that is unfortunately so prevalent because their misconducts are so publicized that we have the tendency to be unaware of the numerous "good ones" for whom their job is a calling to actually "protect & serve". I understand that there are these "good ones", but how's a gal to know which is which?
Men from other professions may still hide their transgender attraction because, as I said before, there seems to be an extra stigma attached to dating a transgender woman, but policemen (due to the nature of their job) seem to be expected to be "just a little extra", so I think they hide deeper in the closet...and suspecting that this is a "cultural" thing, I believe for African American policemen there's a big padlock on that closet...
I suppose this job is almost as big a problem for bio women, who have to consider the danger of it, but a trans woman would have to worry, "Will his partner(s) really watch his back in dangerous situations?" if their relationship is known. This would make one believe that the best mate for a policeman would be another policeperson...but when was the last time you saw a transgender popo?? I imagine this is why the policemen that I have known intimately (mentioned above) either would not or could not commit to a relationship with me, but would only come by to see me after dark (although it could also be they just weren't the type to commit).
So I suppose until society is open enough to more fully accept the transgender community as a whole, a transgender/policeman union will be quite an exception, even though I must admit I would date one.
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