Transgenders and Love; Yes, It's a "Minefield"

by Cheryl Courtney-Evans
posted Sept. 9, 2012

It's not often that I talk on this subject (as you know I'm a pretty political/trans-advocate/activist animal *chuckle*), but today I'm in a rather pensive mood and it crossed my mind.

Picture this: I'm out on errands and I'm walking across the parking lot of a shopping center, and a 'mini-truck' follows me. Not knowing the man driving, I continue to walk, but he pulls in front of me blocking my way..."Hellooo, pretty lady," he says, so I respond in kind. He's smiling, (to my eyes) he's younger than me and I must say he's 'phine'..."Why are you looking at me like that? I'm okay; I'm older than I look (he says he's 50), I'm cool. Listen, come closer; I want to talk to you. Take my number and call me later."...So I let down my guard (like I said, he's phine [it could stand repeating, *chuckle*] and just the kind of guy I like [at least, visually]), take his number with an agreement to call him later...of course, I'm asked questions like "are you married?" (and why not), "do you have kids?" (and why not), etc. [My answers were, "Why a girl gotta be married?" and "You look at a woman as a 'baby machine'?"]


So I call him and the conversation is very positive and looking up until...because I'm a gal who doesn't like misunderstandings...I inform a man from the beginning what to expect from me (I'm a pre-op transwoman).... BAM! I get that, "Well I don't mess with no men..." I don't want to hear another word; I hit "end" on the cell and erase the number I've put in my phone.

This scenario has happened often enough that when I'm approached in similar ways at other times, I have kept numbers but not called because I dread the possibility of hearing those same words in different ways...I must admit though, that sometimes I debate with myself for up to a week before erasing them, asking myself, "Did he know, and just respect me as the gender I represent, or did he not know?"  The repercussion possibilities inherent in setting a stranger straight in a public place always make me wait until this phone conversation.

Because transgenders seek and hope for the possibility of that "significant other" as much as the next person, yet want to avoid these sorts of scenarios, we are often lured to transgender or LGBT "social networking" sites that offer another type of 'minefield'...the sexual predators who objectify us or just plain dangerous men who  want to harm us (it's seldom that anything REAL is found there).

So I suppose, getting back to the "political" (or more technically, the social-political), progress for the transgender demographic, with regard to our integration/commonality in the community at large, promoting greater understanding & acceptance, will serve to act as a "mine-sweeper", removing this pitfall to long term relationships (love) for us...don't you think? At the very least public interactions/meetings may become less dangerous or trans-attracted folks will not hide so much either.