by Cheryl Courtney-Evans
posted Sept. 6, 2012
Over the years, I've watched the changes that have come about in, around and for the TGBL (aka GNC [Gender Non-Conforming]) community. We've gone from having to hide our sexual orientations (and when it comes to transgenders, we'd damn sure better be "passable") to avoid severe repercussions and consequences, to being able to publicly express ourselves [especially in large cities] without too much trouble. We've gone from this hiding, to having more and more representation in the media. Other advances for the LGB portion of the acronym have been open service in the military and now they appear closer than ever to the possibility of marriage equality (everyone agrees it's just a matter of time, as this is legal in more and more states).
But now, with regard to that "marriage equality/civil union/relationship" thing, what is going on with the trans community? I'm always hearing fellas who claim trans-attraction wondering, "Where is there a good transwoman for me? I'd like a 'wifey'. ", but how many of them are stepping up and openly expressing their desire and attraction for transwomen?
From what I hear all the time, they require the transwoman they would want "to be seen with" must be 'passable' (but I know few who actually openly date or develop long term commitments; they will however, come by to "spend the night"). I often wonder if this is because many of these men identify as bisexual, so they want to "keep their options open", and so don't want it known that they date or are attracted to transwomen. I do know that many of these men don't have a problem with being known to objectify transwomen and being categorized as "chasers" (playas)... some actually brag about it.
I've also heard "I don't want a hustlin' transwoman, or an escort...too many transwomen are just hustlers...", of course without taking into consideration the continued societal refusal to employ us, which is the underlying factor that results in so many of us being chronically unemployed. Will they ever suspend this judgment and get with a woman ready to "square up", when there's a mutual attraction, perhaps helping her while she does? Hmmm, I've known this to happen on only a couple of occasions to my personal knowledge. But these same men will expect a transwoman (employed or not) to accept them as they are, employed or not...she's suppose to want them in her space "just because" (sometimes even living with her).
I think it's pretty sad that gay and lesbian commitments/relationships are so commonly long term now that they can make a case for marriage equality (and adoption in the instances they want a family [other than a pet]), while the same type of commitment for transwomen and the men who claim 'trans-attraction' is rare...don't the trans-attracted realize that the more they stand up to the challenge of committing to us "special women", the more willing and able we'll be to fill the bill of being "the one" for them? The more this takes place, the less "odd" it will seem to the broader community and better accepted [as with the case of gays and lesbians]. The bottom line is, "when the rubber meets the road", if you want a good transwoman, you gotta stand up and be willing to be a good trans-attracted man.
Welcome to the blog that is intended for education, information, entertainment, news and advancement...and it's all about the Transgender community! If you're a transgender individual, I hope it provides you with all of the above as well as empowerment; if you're not a transgender, hopefully this blog will help in giving you a better understanding of the transgender community and that community's issues, achievements/abilities, "temperaments" and diversity. Overall, I hope your visit proves to be an interesting one.
Remember: "Communication is the Doorway through which Understanding may Walk."